Friday, March 26, 2010

The Prognosis Isn't Good



This one I wrote last summer when I was pretty sure I was about to die. Clearly, I lived. At the time, however, I was making lists of my belongings and deciding who would inherit what, e.g. Dad gets the giant Pink Floyd poster, Mom gets the DVD collection, eldest child gets the Koontz books, youngest child my stuffed animal collection...you see my point. Luckily, I've lived long enough to finish my manuscript. Go me! I'm rather glad I lived. I love my DVDs.

-------------

A click on brilliant blue words is followed by the last, and another collection of letters fills up my screen. Each sentence causes already scared eyes to go wider, and I’m certain Death has come to take me home. It doesn’t ride a pale horse or even pedal in on a pale trike. It creeps in slowly like paranoid cells of doom that slither betwixt binary code and absolutes.

So sayeth the website that lets me enter my symptoms into convenient little boxes.

Who needs doctors, right? I’m sure the guy who wrote this has a medical degree or they’d not be allowed to maintain a site full of medical information. The Internet is a highly regulated entity, after all, and there’s rules. I mean, Jojo the dog-faced boy has a site and he can’t have it unless he is dog-faced. The world has to make sense. There is order in the chaos, and it manifests itself via the electronic impulses that fuel my shiny-box-o-information-highway.

I’ve read the signs in the most literal sense, deciding the stars cannot predict my digestive habits nor my body’s ability to defend itself against cell destruction, and instead read actual words. These words tell me the light at the end of the tunnel is hanging on the wall of an x-ray room, and within its rays glow ominous areas of darkness that mock me with a hazy but discernable smiley face.

Except there’s more than two eyes and the smile looks more like a Charlie Brown stripe. Or sort of like a crushed bottle of mini- M&Ms, and all the candies are scattered around in my body instead of nice and safe in my stomach, floating in acid and Diet Dr Pepper.

Although, now that I look at it, it’s possible the darkness is shaped like the Virgin Islands, which is incredibly ironic on many levels when I think about its location. I’ll leave that open to interpretation.

21 comments:

Unknown said...

Great imagery, Christi. I'm glad you're still with us.

Christi Goddard said...

Thanks, steph. I'm all healed up, good as new now. Okay, truthfully a bit fatter from loads of bedrest and inactivity, but it's all good.

Just Wendy said...

As they say, when the going gets tough, the tough get going.

Keep soldiering on, Christi.

Glad prognosis was positive.

Anne Gallagher said...

I really don't know how you do it, turn ordinary mundane words into sentences and clauses that grab my attention and hold it for longer than it took to read it.

Maybe that's why I "get you" -- you're an enigma, like me, you get under my skin and make me think, work for the knowledge you're trying to impart, the story that's trying to unfold.

(And just to be truthful, I'm an enigma in a totally different way, someday I'll explain it)

JE said...

When I die, will you write my eulogy? I think you are the only person I will ever know that can make someone feel sad, lonely, happy, needed, loved, hated, etc, etc, all at the same time.

Your a genius.

~JD

Unknown said...

What a haunting, couldn't-tear-my-eyes-away post. I hope you expand this one day, bringing in all the back story and emotion of living through such a scary experience. Write on, sista!

I left you a little something on my blog today :))

Christi Goddard said...

Anne: I'm so intrigued. I must have the answer to this riddle. I MUST.

Justine: You will never die. I forbid it. You will live forever.

Nicole: Yay, prizes! Is it chocolate? Is it Keifer Sutherland? Is it chocolate coated Keifer Sutherland?

G.~ said...

Did someone say M & M's?

Those will surely save you. ;)

Talli Roland said...

Hi Christi,

Thanks for dropping by my blog!

What you've posted in really gripping, for lack of a better word. The emotion is so clear.

Looking forward to reading a lot more!

Christi Goddard said...

G.: Chocolate is my lifeblood.

Talli: I'm glad you liked it. I hope you enjoy the rest of my ranting/self-banter/story-type things.

Terry Towery said...

Good stuff. It's funny how raw emotion can really kick our creativity into overdrive. I, too, am glad you lived.

And I'm really jealous of all of your new followers. Hrrrumph. :)

Christi Goddard said...

Terry: I sorry. I'll try to suck more and make them go away so you'll feel better.

sarahjayne smythe said...

Wow. Just wow. Amazing post and I'm so glad you're here to put it up.

Christi Goddard said...

Thanya, Sarahjayne. I'm glad you liked it.

Lola Sharp said...

Christi, I too hope you'll expand further on this part of your story.
Awesome imagery.
But most of all, I'm glad you're still with us, and still owning your dvd's.

Christi Goddard said...

Thankya, Lola. I might revist the idea again.

Unknown said...

guowenhao20150323
discount oakley sunglasses
cheap snapbacks
burberry handbags
coach factory outlet
kate spade outlet
polo ralph lauren outlet
louis vuitton outlet
longchamp outlet
lululemon outlet online
chanel bags
oakley outlet
toms shoes
jordan shoes
thomas sabo bracelet
tod's sale
salvatore ferragamo
louis vuitton outlet
coach outlet store
tod's shoes
nhl jerseys
mont blanc pens
kobe 9 shoes
beats by dre
oakley sunglasses wholesale
babyliss hair dryer
michael kors outlet store
air max 95
ralph lauren polo shirts
michael kors outlet
cheap ray ban sunglasses
instyler ionic styler
asics gel kayano
karen millen sale
louis vuitton outlet uk
discount oakley sunglasses
cheap nhl jerseys
kate spade handbags
ghd hair straighteners
karen millen dresses
louis vuitton outlet online

Unknown said...

michael kors handbags
hollister outlet
hermes belts
christian louboutin sale
hollister clothing store
ed hardy outlet store
ray ban sunglasses
louboutin
louis vuitton outlet
cheap oakley sunglasses
copy watches
michael kors outlet
michael kors outlet online
soccer cleats
michael kors handbags
coach factory outlet
michael kors outlet online
ray ban sunglasses
true religion outlet online
hollister kids
longchamp sale
michael kors handbags
timberland canada
jordan 3
tory burch outlet
oakley vault
christian louboutin
abercrombie fitch
coach outlet online
ralph lauren uk
jordan retro 3
abercrombie store new york
michael kors
louis vuitton outlet
louis vuitton outlet
pandora jewelry
20150704xiong

mmjiaxin said...

miami dolphins jerseys, http://www.miamidolphinsjersey.com/
steelers jerseys, http://www.pittsburghsteelersjersey.com/
marc jacobs outlet, http://www.marcjacobs.cc/
san antonio spurs, http://www.sanantoniospursjersey.com/
karen millen uk, http://www.karenmillendressesoutlets.co.uk/
chanel outlet store, http://www.chaneloutletstore.us.com/
nfl jersey wholesale, http://www.nfljerseys-wholesale.us.com/
ralph lauren outlet, http://www.ralphlaurenoutletuk.org.uk/
eagles jerseys, http://www.philadelphiaeaglesjersey.us/
designer handbags,handbags outlet,cheap handbags,purses and handbags,wholesale handbags,designer bags,bags outlet,handbags wholesale,cheap purses,discount handbags,handbags sale,wholesale purses,handbags and purses,designer purses
lebron shoes, http://www.lebronjamesshoes.in.net/
camisetas futbol baratas, http://www.futbol-baratas.com/
iphone 6 cases, http://www.iphonecase.name/
jordan 13, http://www.airjordan13s.com/
polo shirts, http://www.poloralphlaurenshirts.us.com/
louis vuitton outlet, http://www.louisvuitton.in.net/
louis vuitton,borse louis vuitton,louis vuitton sito ufficiale,louis vuitton outlet
coach outlet store, http://www.coachoutletus.us/
tiffany and co, http://www.tiffanyandco.in.net/
michael kors outlet, http://www.michaelkorsoutlet-store.us.com/

mmjiaxin said...

michael kors outlet
cheap air jordan
tiffany and co outlet
michael kors outlet online
chrome hearts
http://www.christian-louboutin-outlet.uk
Michael Kors Purses
michael kors outlet
michael kors outlet
mlb jerseys authentic
Air Jordan 11
true religion
cheap jordans online
tiffany and co jewellery
oakley vault
http://www.kobebasketballshoes.us.com
discount oakley sunglasses
louis vuitton handbags
replica christian louboutin
cheap authentic jordans
gg

Cara Membersihkan Flek di Paru-Paru said...

It is great to have visited your website. Thanks for sharing useful information. And also visit my website about health. God willing it will be useful too

Obat Pelancar Haid paling Ampuh
Cara Menghilangkan Bopeng Bekas Jerawat
Pengobatan Herbal Rematik/Rheumatiod Arthritis
Obat Herbal Walatra Berry Jus
Cara Mengobati Telapak Kaki Berlubang
Obat Koreng Bernanah Alami


_____________