Friday, March 26, 2010

The Prognosis Isn't Good

This one I wrote last summer when I was pretty sure I was about to die. Clearly, I lived. At the time, however, I was making lists of my belongings and deciding who would inherit what, e.g. Dad gets the giant Pink Floyd poster, Mom gets the DVD collection, eldest child gets the Koontz books, youngest child my stuffed animal see my point. Luckily, I've lived long enough to finish my manuscript. Go me! I'm rather glad I lived. I love my DVDs.


A click on brilliant blue words is followed by the last, and another collection of letters fills up my screen. Each sentence causes already scared eyes to go wider, and I’m certain Death has come to take me home. It doesn’t ride a pale horse or even pedal in on a pale trike. It creeps in slowly like paranoid cells of doom that slither betwixt binary code and absolutes.

So sayeth the website that lets me enter my symptoms into convenient little boxes.

Who needs doctors, right? I’m sure the guy who wrote this has a medical degree or they’d not be allowed to maintain a site full of medical information. The Internet is a highly regulated entity, after all, and there’s rules. I mean, Jojo the dog-faced boy has a site and he can’t have it unless he is dog-faced. The world has to make sense. There is order in the chaos, and it manifests itself via the electronic impulses that fuel my shiny-box-o-information-highway.

I’ve read the signs in the most literal sense, deciding the stars cannot predict my digestive habits nor my body’s ability to defend itself against cell destruction, and instead read actual words. These words tell me the light at the end of the tunnel is hanging on the wall of an x-ray room, and within its rays glow ominous areas of darkness that mock me with a hazy but discernable smiley face.

Except there’s more than two eyes and the smile looks more like a Charlie Brown stripe. Or sort of like a crushed bottle of mini- M&Ms, and all the candies are scattered around in my body instead of nice and safe in my stomach, floating in acid and Diet Dr Pepper.

Although, now that I look at it, it’s possible the darkness is shaped like the Virgin Islands, which is incredibly ironic on many levels when I think about its location. I’ll leave that open to interpretation.


Unknown said...

Great imagery, Christi. I'm glad you're still with us.

Christi Goddard said...

Thanks, steph. I'm all healed up, good as new now. Okay, truthfully a bit fatter from loads of bedrest and inactivity, but it's all good.

Just Wendy said...

As they say, when the going gets tough, the tough get going.

Keep soldiering on, Christi.

Glad prognosis was positive.

Anne Gallagher said...

I really don't know how you do it, turn ordinary mundane words into sentences and clauses that grab my attention and hold it for longer than it took to read it.

Maybe that's why I "get you" -- you're an enigma, like me, you get under my skin and make me think, work for the knowledge you're trying to impart, the story that's trying to unfold.

(And just to be truthful, I'm an enigma in a totally different way, someday I'll explain it)

JE said...

When I die, will you write my eulogy? I think you are the only person I will ever know that can make someone feel sad, lonely, happy, needed, loved, hated, etc, etc, all at the same time.

Your a genius.


Unknown said...

What a haunting, couldn't-tear-my-eyes-away post. I hope you expand this one day, bringing in all the back story and emotion of living through such a scary experience. Write on, sista!

I left you a little something on my blog today :))

Christi Goddard said...

Anne: I'm so intrigued. I must have the answer to this riddle. I MUST.

Justine: You will never die. I forbid it. You will live forever.

Nicole: Yay, prizes! Is it chocolate? Is it Keifer Sutherland? Is it chocolate coated Keifer Sutherland?

G.~ said...

Did someone say M & M's?

Those will surely save you. ;)

Talli Roland said...

Hi Christi,

Thanks for dropping by my blog!

What you've posted in really gripping, for lack of a better word. The emotion is so clear.

Looking forward to reading a lot more!

Christi Goddard said...

G.: Chocolate is my lifeblood.

Talli: I'm glad you liked it. I hope you enjoy the rest of my ranting/self-banter/story-type things.

Terry Towery said...

Good stuff. It's funny how raw emotion can really kick our creativity into overdrive. I, too, am glad you lived.

And I'm really jealous of all of your new followers. Hrrrumph. :)

Christi Goddard said...

Terry: I sorry. I'll try to suck more and make them go away so you'll feel better.

sarahjayne smythe said...

Wow. Just wow. Amazing post and I'm so glad you're here to put it up.

Christi Goddard said...

Thanya, Sarahjayne. I'm glad you liked it.

Lola Sharp said...

Christi, I too hope you'll expand further on this part of your story.
Awesome imagery.
But most of all, I'm glad you're still with us, and still owning your dvd's.

Christi Goddard said...

Thankya, Lola. I might revist the idea again.

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