Monday, March 22, 2010
Eight True Things
Today's is a little different. There was a challenge at a different site I'm a member of that had you list 11 True Things. I'm posting Eight True Things. Three of my eleven I should never have put to paper. Yes, they had to bad for ME to question their good taste, right? So I deleted three of them. These are eight things I would say to certain friends/family if I had the guts to:
You push and pull at me, take away all of my mirth and test how far you can drag my sanity across hot coals, then hug me and tell me how much you need me. Your love is cold and vapid, and I worry about the monster you are becoming.
All it takes is the simple act of defending myself from your hostility to turn you into a monsoon of ill fate, twisting my words and intent into something that is an attack on you. Does it make you feel better to think no one is on your side?
You took her side without really being at all informed or bothering to understand the situation better. I am trying to concede it is because you want more people to like you, and you were always such a lost little boy who just wanted to make friends and be accepted. But, think on this: pretending to be something you’re not will only bite you in the end. People who love the fake you will not like the real you, so whatever you have obtained will have no more substance than my failed dreams. My respect for you is gone. Was it worth it?
The pseudo friendship you offer me is something I’m thankful for. It gives me something to laugh about behind your back daily, and most days I could really use a good laugh. I’m fairly confident you’ll never know how I mock you. Your ears hear only compliments, your pride only allows adoration, and the shallow river that runs through your frigid heart ends in a waterfall that descends into the abyss of your empty soul.
The block I’ve been around a few hundred times doesn’t have that great of scenery, though some of the neighbors wave as I pass them by and it helps me feel not so alone. When I think of you and your behavior, I wonder about the block you have wandered countless times as well. I imagine the sidewalk is perfectly smooth, so when there is the slightest crack in it or obstacle in your path, such a deviation makes your mind explode into a burst of brilliantly glowing self pity particles that light up the world around you. Do you honestly believe your heart has been broken more than anyone else’s? You have twisted your supposed pain into something you pimp relentlessly for money, making your own heart your prostitute.
Though I express daily the depth of what I feel for you with two little words less than five letters long at the end of each conversation, I doubt you understand how truly sincere I am. Perhaps because I don’t elaborate. Nor will I now.
As always, you took that joke and rode it hard and put it away wet, then threw it on the ground and stomped it down until it was nothing but a bloody smear. You need to learn to love the joke or it just bites you back.
I didn’t let you win. I’m still standing, as whole as ever I was, and that must bug the crap out of you.