Wednesday, February 24, 2010
The above image is mine, as are the below words. This is one called We Are.
The clock on the mantle ticks away the time, and at eleven minutes after the darkest hour of the day begins, you realize we are coming for you. It’s been a long time since last we saw your pretty face lingering around the back alley of the abandoned pool hall.
It’s not so bad. You’ll see things our way, eventually. If you know what’s good for you. Some don’t care what’s best for them, which is why we come for them in the first place. If you’re anything like them, you won’t last a baker’s dozen of hours before we break you. Do you really want to be just like everyone else? We thought you reveled in your individuality.
We are not happy with you right now. In truth, we are never happy with anyone at any time. It’s the nature of the beast. Happiness is the keyhole in which weakness slithers into the strong.
There is no key to happiness. You’ve looked, haven’t you? You wonder why there is even a hole, if there is no key to fit it.
It is there for the same reason we are. To make you question, to make you doubt, to make you wonder why the fuck you wandered down a back alley behind the abandoned pool hall in that little red dress, if not to prove you don’t care what’s good for you.
You only care about the attention.
We are watching. Does that make you happy?
Comment, please, and let me know what you think. I respond, honest.
Posted by Christi Goddard at 8:15 AM
Labels: short story
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Happiness is the keyhole in which weakness slithers into the strong.
I really like this line. This is creepy and unnerving. Nicely done!
Thanks, Steph! I'm really glad you liked it.
This was creepy, in a good kind of creepy way. I enjoyed it. I could almost hear this being read in a haunting, distorted voice.
My favorite line: If you’re anything like them, you won’t last a baker’s dozen of hours before we break you. Brilliant.
It's funny you say that. I always hear that one deep voice from the commercials for movies, the guy that they have on that one that mocks the commercials now. I think it's an insurance commercial, I can't remember.
The killed off president from 24? (Deep voice...)
Okay, this was creepy, because there are times that I think people are watching me...but I am totally not happy about it!! ;)
Maybe I'm just paranoid that I've been broken into 3 weeks in a row. Last week and this week have been break in free!
I really like the tone of the entire piece. I thought it shows your voice very well too.
It sort of reminds me of the voice I use when I write poetry, actually. I like how you describe things, and the images you use. Very gutsy for posting it!
aspiring: thanks :-)
Tiffany: Well, my stuff is so lame, no one wants it. Not even my post it notes.
Elizabeth: Gutsy? Um... I was just sharing it. Should I not post my weirdness?
You write well. Very well.
It isn't weird! I mean I found it unusual, but certainly not in a bad way. If it is slghtly odd though, please do continue posting the strangeness..
Oh, I love this piece! The first line immediately caught my undivided attention and so, although there are many lines I adore in the post, it has to be my favourite part.
"The Clock on the mantle ticks away the time, and at eleven minutes after the darkest hour of the day begins, you realize we are coming for you."
*shivers* I like it.
Wendy: Thank you very much. You write very well, too, and I love your inspirational posts.
Mia: I'm glad you like my creepiness. I have dozens more of these so plan to keep posting them every day or every other day, depending on feedback and time.
This was just amazing. And I didn't really find it creepy, maybe more suspenseful, and I really wanted to know who/what was coming for her. Great stuff.
Thanks, Anne. I'm glad you liked it. :-)
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