Wednesday, February 17, 2010

This is why I'd kill for my kids

As some of you know, I've had surgery recently. Two of them, in fact, back to back. One in November, and then (due to complications) a second, more awful one. I've been off from work since November 10th. I went three weeks without any pay until my disability started paying 80% of my wages. Christmas for me and my girls sucked. I won't go into my financial difficulties, but rest assured: they suck. Like... can't afford Chex Mix suck (my lifeblood).

My girls have taken it in stride, although the odd complaint now and again makes me feel like a failure as a mother. I am still home from work, and though I've used this time to try to find an agent and feel productive, I still feel like a failure. My youngest is turning 13 in two weeks, and I can't afford to throw her a nice birthday to commemorate her entrance into the awesomeness it is to be a woman.

Said child did something amazing this morning. I was still in bed (as I don't get around too good most days) and I heard her as she sang to herself while making a bowl of cereal, then dragged the trash can to the curb (a day late. She thought it was Tuesday), then heard her outside with her friends while they waited for the bus. A few minutes later she came running back into the house, then left again, then came back inside.

I called to her to ask what she was doing. She came into my room and said, "Ashley was selling band candy. I went and got my last two dollars so I could get you some. I put it on your desk." I argued that she needed that money for lunch money, and I didn't need any chocolate. She said, "School lunch is $2.75. We don't have that. I made a sandwich. Chocolate makes you feel better, anyway." Then she ran back outside before I could reply, hollering through the (very thin walls) that she loved me.

And I love her, too. I love her so damned much.


Emily White said...

*tear* Seriously. Sometimes it just feels overwhelming how much our children mean to us.

Shelley Sly said...

Awww... you are very blessed, even in times like now when it seems rough, you have the greatest gift in the world -- a loving family. :)

Nick said...

It's thinks like this that make me want to have children some day.

Then I remember how insane I am and frankly any woman who would bear children with me would have to be equally insane, and I'm not so sure that many levels of crazy being gathered in one child is remotely conducive to the world.

Tiffany Neal said...

Awww. I love her too. That was way sweet. Give her a big hug when she gets home.

Terry Towery said...

What's this shit? I come here to laugh and I end up CRYING? Hrrumph.

(Your kids sound great). ;)

Shannon O'Donnell said...

There is no greater blessing in this world than the magical love of our children. Yours sound wonderful. :-)

Roxy said...

Kids are awesome. When I had a long, drawn-out illness two years ago, my kindergartner would sit by me on my bed and watch cartoons to keep me company. It was a sweet gesture on his part because I knew he'd rather be with his friends outside. I'm sorry that this is such a challenging time for you. Being sick sucks. Your daughter sounds like she's a great tribute to her mother, however. Best wishes for your recovery.

JE said...

Ditto to all and a big cyber hug for you Christi. This tore my heart made me even more thankful for my daughter.

I wish the best for you and your family. You'll succeed, that I guarantee.


Just Wendy said...

You and your family deserve all the best life can offer. After all, your daughter takes after you, does she not? :)

Get well soon sweetheart :)

Anonymous said...

what a great kid!
hope you feel better soon!

Erin Kuhns said...

This story brought tears to my eyes!!! I hope the chocolate made you feel a bit better. :)

Christi Goddard said...

To all of you: I'm glad my story touched you as it did me.

Terry -man up.

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