Friday, February 19, 2010

Kids say the darndest... no... the most embarrassing things

So, yesterday's romp into my sordid past seemed to be a moderate success. I'm pleased I could make everyone laugh at my stupidity. That's not sarcasm. I love making people laugh. Yesterday, Pen Name Pauline Thomas asked if my kids ever did the same sort of thing, and I can think of two separate instances in public where my girls made me want to crawl in a hole to escape shame.

Eldest daughter. Let me set the scene:

We lived in a small burg outside of St. Louis. At the time, my girls were 8 and 4. I had divorced my husband for several reasons I won't go into. This is supposed to be funny. St. Louis has an amazing zoo, and it's free, so I took my girls there a few times a year. One summer, the zoo was all abuzz over the new baby giraffe, so I packed up the girls and we headed over.

The day was warm and beautiful, and we were having a great time (as I've mentioned before, I love to embarrass my girls in public, so I was having a really great time), and eventually we made it over to the giraffe exhibit.

The baby giraffe was standing with its mother to the left side of the fence. The father giraffe was on the far right, leaning against the wall under the shade of a large tree. My eight year old says, "The baby is so cute. I wonder if that's its daddy." I corrected her and said that the giraffe on the right was the father, and the baby was standing with its mother. "How do you know that one's the daddy?"

Now, being eight years old, I did not want to school her on the differences of anatomy between a male and a female. The couple standing next to us was looking at the giraffes, too, and the man gave me a quizzical look, probably wondering what I was going to say. In order to simplify the situation, I tried to go with, "I just know."

This was not good enough for my eight year old. She kept looking back and forth between the giraffes, frowning as she thought about it. After a moment, she stated emphatically, "Ooooh. It's 'cause he's just standing around not doing nothing, huh?"

The man next to us smiled knowingly. I returned a nervous one. I could just imagine that he thought I was the sort of woman who just sat around man-bashing all day or something similar, but I swear, I wasn't like that (at the time). I looked down at my daughter and said, "Um...yeah. Let's go."

I led my girls away, and the man next to us burst out laughing. I could hear him ask his partner, "did you hear what that little girl just said?"

Well, this got a bit long, so I'm not going to go into my youngest's most memorable public embarrassing moment right now. Maybe tomorrow or later today I'll get it posted, too. I hope this at least made you smile.

PS: I'm aware of all the adverbs and adjectives, but don't care today.

28 comments:

Linda Rader said...

You are a good storyteller.

Mia said...

I agree, that was really well described. :~)

Kids DO say the most embarassing things, I feel sorry for my long suffering parents now... Even now their kids are adults they still don't like to be seen in public with us..

*Ahem* I have an award to present, I think. Oh yes - although I'm not totally clued in on the way this should be done - I gave you a Creative Writer Award on my blogikins. :~)

-->Because you're posts are totally awesome if I do say so myself<--

Um, ok so *offers trophy* here you go. Keep it safe and polished...

Jon Paul said...

"...but I swear, I wasn't like that (at the time)."

Priceless.

Great story. Thanks for sharing!

aspiring_x said...

and this is why i just added you to my favorites... (screw the adjectives and adverbs. that was hilarious!)

Shelley Sly said...

Haha that was great! If I was next to you at the zoo, I would have burst out laughing (in a good natured way) and given you guys a high five. :)

Terry Towery said...

On behalf of giraffes and males -- and especially male giraffes -- everywhere, I'd like to protest. And I would, if I wasn't so busy sitting here, um, doing nothing. ;)

roxy said...

Always true and funny. You are awesome, Christi! Blog on forever. Or at the least, for a very long time. (I posted an award for you this morning.)

Nick said...

Well, you're a better parent than I apparently. If I had a girl ask that, I'd bring up the differences. God forbid I ever have a daughter. I will ruin them just by not having any idea how in the hell to deal with them.

Christi Goddard said...

Linda -thank you.

Mia -thanks for the award. I posted it. Sort of.

John -I had a boyfriend named John Paul. You never lived in Salida, Colorado, did you?

Aspiring -I rather like extra words. Probably because I'm verbose.

Terry -you can't speak for giraffes. You're tall, but not that tall.

Roxy -thanks for the award. I posted it. Sort of. **is aware that this is the same message she left for Mia**

Nick -I'm glad you don't breed. **consolation hug**

Alleged Author said...

LOL. That was hilarious! I think you should start writing a book just based on scenarios like this!

Jon Paul said...

Must have been my evil twin. :D

Mia Hayson said...

Nick - stop this talk of ruining kids, this is the SECOND comment in which you do it and I will not hear of it.

Mia - LAWL. You're so cute and dorky it's making me cringe.

Nick said...

lawl, this post has giraffes. The girony affair continues...

Present!Mia - I can't help it. Kids and I are like...butter and coffee. And don't cringe at your past self. Past!Mia is just as cute and dorky as you and therefore just as coolsly. Never change. Either of you.

Mia Hayson said...

OMG. I'VE LOST NICK *FLAILS* HOW CAN WE HAVE A COMMENT PARTY IF WE BOTH GET LOST IN THE BLOG?

Mia Hayson said...

OH. RIGHT. THERE HE IS. AHEM

Nick said...

Hang on though. I think we've fallen a zombie short.

Mia Hayson said...

WHERE? *turns* *does head count*

POOPS. I THINK I LEFT ONE IN MAY, PERHAPS.

Nick said...

TO THE MIAMOBILE!

Mia Hayson said...

YES! WAIT. AM I DRIVING? TO MAY, RIGHT? WHERE ARE THE KEYS? DID YOU EAT THEM AGAIN?

Nick said...

What? You lost them? I thought you took them when we made that pit stop in October!

Mia Hayson said...

GEEZ. WHY DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING? I WAS COLLECTING THE EDIBLE SPRAY AND SETTING UP THE DRINKIES.

I thought you were storing them in your mouth...

Nick said...

Okay okay. Let's backtrack a month or two and see if we dropped them there.

Mia Hayson said...

Ok. Lead the way! *bundles up refreshments*

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