Thursday, February 18, 2010

Life Lesson Anecdote

Have you ever felt like you were not explaining yourself well enough, so took that extra, over-the-top bit of umph to really get your point across and then wished you had kept your mouth shut? I learned at a very young age to stop myself from doing this. Let me explain:

My father had a best friend since childhood who had two daughters appx the same age as my sister and me. They travelled from Kansas to Texas one summer to visit when I was nine. My sister was ten, the other two girls were nine and eleven.

My sister and the eldest of the two usually picked on me and the other nine year old. They would taunt us and say things that weren't very nice, or just beat us up. One night, while in my room, the four of us got into a VERY heated discussion that attracted the attention of the adults who then called us into the living room.

The four of us dutifully answered the call, and I was the one volunteered to explain what all the commotion was about. "Chelle and Julie are saying that Chris and I are girlfriends." **Crickets.** "They said that we sleep together." **again the parents say nothing, but look sort of amused.**

At that point, I was sure that all four adults were complete idiots. How could they not understand how totally violated I was to have my sexuality questioned at the tender age of nine? So, in effort to make them fully understand the depth of my horror, I puffed out my chest and said, "They said that we... you know... FUCK."

I did not see the other three girls take several steps away behind me, but my dad likens it often to the parting of the Red Sea. My mother looked furious. My father and his best friend burst out laughing. His best friend's wife told us all to go back downstairs and leave each other alone.

So, in short, I did not get my ass whooped, but I can tell you that is the memory that always pops into my head whenever I think someone is not getting my point. Now, instead of continuing on, I just assume they are an idiot and keep my mouth shut so I don't sound like one.


Anonymous said...


Terry Towery said...

That's great. At least you get points for TRYING to clarify your point.

Shelley Sly said...

I'm not sure I get your point in this post. Can you clarify...?

Just kidding! That's hilarious. :D

JE said...

That is sooo something I would do. Like when I was riding in the car with my rents and my brother and sister. A kid in the car next to us was making faces at me (I was like eight), so I flipped him off. I remember the look on his face when he yelled "Mom!! The girl in the car....blah blah." Hilarious!!!

Your story is waaaay better though ;-)

Elizabeth Poole said...

I still don't know when to shut up sometimes....I just keep talking and talking, hoping that I will eventually say something to did myself out of the hole, but of course, that never works.

That's a good early lesson!

Nick said...

Hrm. I didn't even know the word "Fuck" until I was 13. Didn't know there was such a thing as homosexuality until I was 12. Did start hitting puberty and all that fun stuff at 9, but hell if I coulda made sense of any of it before sixth grade and the wonders of the internet. Probably shouldn't have shared that last bit. Magnificent story, though. Made my night. Yessireejimbo.

Alleged Author said...

That is hilarious! I cannot believe you said that to your parents! Like Nick, I didn't know the word until I got slapped for rhyming words with "ukcer." Have your girls done anything like that?

Christi Goddard said...

Shelley -I cannot clarify. Probably why I'm a failure as a writer.

Justine -there's more humiliation to come. I'm just getting warmed up.

Elizabeth -sometimes it's best to just keep talking. Unless you're me.

Aspiring -I am glad I amuse.

Terry -I could always use some extra points.

Pauline -you inspired me to tell stories about my kids. That are embarrassing, that is.

Nick -I'm still glad you don't breed. **consolation hug**

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