Thursday, February 11, 2010

Just to Say It

Have you ever deliberately said something rather stupid? Like, you thought it over for a long while, stewed over it, agonized over it, knowing it was stupid but you just HAD to say it? Yeah, I did that today. Doing my usual agent browsing on Query Tracker, I was sending off queries to agents who list 'fantasy' as one of their topics. Ho-hum, type type type, enter into Excel to track so I don't double send... "WHOA!!!!"

That's pretty much what my eyes and heart said when I look at 'Clients' on one agent and I see that he is Dean Koontz's agent. My idol. The god upon whom my worship falls. I've been reading him since before I hit puberty, and I even wrote a nine page letter to him once and he WROTE ME BACK. It was amazing. Anyway, I'm thinking to myself 'well, this agent is WAAAAAAAAAAAAY out of my league, but what the hell...' So, I look at the submission guidelines and they're DIFFERENT than everyone else's. It said 'Write a paragraph about yourself.'

I was stumped. Totally stumped. Stared at the flashing cursor for ages with no idea where to start. Inevitably, thoughts like 'well, he's not going to represent YOU, moron, so what's it hurt to be totally honest?' start to take root. Eventually the evil voices in my head win out(after a LOOOOOONG debate of about five minutes. Which is long for ME. I've got ADHD) and I write my dazzling paragraph. With frank honesty. Go me. That man is going to open that email (or most likely his assistant) and think 1. I was on crack, or 2. It was some ploy to get noticed. It wasn't, honest. I was just...certain of my query's fate so went for the gusto.

I won't share all the grisly details. I just know that I said things (no TMI) that were less than professional when it came to what they ACTUALLY wanted to know about me.

added note after the fact: He stopped representing Koontz five years ago. I feel like a total idiot now.


Emily White said...

Hey, you never know, they might find your candid description of yourself appealing. I do understand what you're going through right now. Things always seem so much better BEFORE we hit the send button.

Nick said...

Part of me wants to say I would love a query like that.
But I would loathe it oh so much. Nick doesn't really know Nick all that well. Nick spends too much time immersing himself in his own characters and the characters of others. Sometimes reality and fiction blur themselves, which can be fun. Except for that one time on the train when I'd had no sleep for three days prior and thought I was Iupiter. ~ahem~ See, this is why I couldn't do it. I ramble. Always. And my rambles always lead to revealing things I shouldn't.

In brief, I feel your pain.

Shannon O'Donnell said...

Good for you! Sometimes it can be freeing to go with the frank honesty approach. :-)

Suzette Saxton said...

I think it'll all turn out well in the end. Best of luck!

Tiffany Neal said...

Oh! I do it ALL the time!

By the way, I posted my query on Nathan Bransford's forum. Here's the link:

Let me know what you think! And don't be easy on me.

JE said...

Ooohh - one paragraph about yourself? I would have NO IDEA what to write. Kudos to you for giving it shot. I'd love to know what you put down. ;-)


Tiffany Neal said...

Holy Hell! I read your query on the Shark's site before I met you on the blogosphere...Small world. I submitted a query to her, and I hope she never posts it, because it's probably the worst thing I've ever written in my entire life!! :)My head hurts and I have started my query AGAIN from SCRATCH. God. Does it ever end?

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