Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Not for the Timid

As some of you know, April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. For some reason, I have no qualms about commenting elsewhere about this, but I'm not able to talk myself into posting on my own blog about my experiences.

What I will do, however, is offer up some fiction. I'll warn you now, it might be a bit too much for some people, so if you're at all squeamish about the evil that lurks within a person's soul and what they are capable of, go read... um... Samuel Park http://dailypepforwriters.blogspot.com/

He's WAY more upbeat than this post is going to be.


His smile was a wicked crevice from which his tongue flicked out reptilian fast to wet his bottom lip hungrily. I shrank away from him, terrified and confused. I thought he was joking. He hadn’t acted that way before he had downed half a case of beer, and being the god of wrestling he was, he barely staggered. His breath stank as he pulled me against him, but I kicked him hard in the crotch and ran.

It probably would have hurt him more if it hadn’t been shriveled up by steroids.

The darkness of the wood grew and slithered around me, the crickets sang their mournful song, the cars sped by on the highway far below, but all I could hear were his thoughts as he chased me through the brush. Limbs pulled at my hair, branches grabbed at my coat, rocks jumped up like hares to trip up my feet.

As if I didn’t already have enough obstacles with my pudgy body and asthma? Perhaps if I’d had an attack, it’d have been so damned unsexy he’d have lost interest. I’ll need to remember that for the next time I’m a helpless, daft bitch in a ‘B’ movie with bad dialogue and questionable special effects.

Wet grass was the only scent in the air as I ran away. Not for my life or because I was strong or brave, but just so he couldn't have me. Senseless and futile, as his body had been sculpted by years of push ups, weight lifting, and fad diets, but in the end all I had was panic. He tripped me harshly, and I fell to the ground, sprawled out like a dirt angel in second-hand clothes. I tasted the wet earth thrown into my mouth, mixed with the blood from my bitten tongue, and it was like a last meal before dying.

So, please, Daddy, when you pull him out of your trunk in the desert tonight, do me a favor: Shoot him in both his heads.

And what else? POETRY!

Quiet like a church mouse,
one that knows it sinned,
her bright eyes watch the shadow
as it creeps closer to her bed.

The startled cry of surrender
is muffled by a calloused hand
as supple flesh gives way.

She knows she can’t wake anyone,
can’t tell anyone.
It would stop,
then no one would be left to love her.

She feels dirty under the rhythm
of the hot breath in her face,
but she inhales her shame deeply,
with a smile.

He doesn’t love anyone else this much,
and no one loves her more than he does.
He said so.


JE said...

Whoa...that's all I can say.


Jerry said...

You told the story just right. It leaves me speechless.

Alleged Author said...

I love the story but I have a love of revenge. So I guess I am your ideal reader. :)

Terry Towery said...

Damn. That's all. Just damn.

Christi Goddard said...

Thanks, you guys. I can't tell you how nervous I was posting these. My mouse hung over 'publish' for a long time before I clicked.

Jemi Fraser said...

This is such an important topic - and it's important to talk about it so others can feel free to get help. I've taught far too many kids who've suffered sexual assaults. It is something we need to stop. Everyone has the right to safety.

Aubrie said...

Very strong writing. You are brave to write like that! I'm impressed.

Shannon O'Donnell said...

You are truly incredible, Christi. You did a marvelous job of tackling a tough topic and bringing it painfully to life. Wow.

A.T. Post said...

A courageous move - but it certainly did make me more aware. Jeez, I think I need to listen to some happy music now.

Unknown said...

Very powerful piece, Christi. This is so important to bring up and share, and I'm glad you did. Even if it's difficult and dark.

Lisa Gail Green said...

Wow about summed it up. I don't know what else to add - and that's saying something! That poem is


DL Hammons said...

I commend you. For the courage to put these thoughts down on paper. For the knowing that the greater good is served by sending those words out into the world. For trusting us to receive the words in the manner most befitting.

Sometimes just standing up...is enough.

Anne Gallagher said...

You have such a talent for ripping the heart right out of your reader. I've said that since the first time I met you. It always amazes me when you do, like I don't believe you the first time.

Incredible, really fab.

Christi Goddard said...

Jemi - I'm afraid it may never stop. A person can know what is right and what is wrong that does not mean they will care.

Aubrie - I'm flattered to have impressed you.

Shannon - Incredible? My head might swell too much to make it out the door to work with remarks like that.

Postman - Happy music is often the answer. Try 'Jump Rope' by Blue October.

Steph - I'm glad you liked it.

Lisa - Speechless? I sorry. ;-)

DL - I'm blushing. T'weren't nothing so brave to do.

Anne - I worry at times I write darkness well because I understand it. I wish I didn't.

Christi Goddard said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sarah Ahiers said...

Blogger has been crazy with the comment eating lately - BUT i show your comment now.

I really liked the story. But then, i don't find too many dark things all that dark.

Completely off topic, but is the guy in your header (and also on your side bar) a character in your story? Because i LOVE him...

Shelley Sly said...

Very strong and powerful writing. You haven't scared me away. Sometimes things like this need to be said. Thanks for sharing, you write incredibly as always.

Anonymous said...

so powerful christi. i wish more people would speak out about sexual assault. its not just the act that breaks a person. there's also all the silence... and the shame...
i have so much respect for you :)

Jm Diaz said...

I'm not entirely sure what took me song to find your blog... but I'm glad I did. An amazing post, and right on the heels of another from Michelle Emrath, over at southern situ mysteries. here: http://southerncitymysteries.blogspot.com/2010/04/crime-in-literature.html

Roland D. Yeomans said...

A powerful story. Once in a time that almost seems another life, I was a counselor for a time to survivors of sexual abuse. I left for my emotional sanity, for I took their trauma to heart -- and the fact, that at the time, state laws let too many survivors fall through the cracks right back to their tormentors. It was like viewing an all too real Greek tragedy.

May your writing skills continue to increase, and may you find publication very soon. {Of course, I hope the same fate for me.} Your friend, Roland

G.~ said...

That was great Christi. I got goosebumps though at the end. Love the Dad touch. That's what made it for me.

Terry Towery said...

Did you change your blog colors and/or format? Or am I having some kind of flashback to the seventies?

Lola Sharp said...

(I like your new blog attire.)

You had me with the very first (creepy) sentence.

Thanks for sharing.


Talli Roland said...

Very powerful stuff. Wow.

I don't know what else to say, really, other than thanks for sharing.

MatthewVT said...

I commend you for the courage it must have taken to post this. Very powerful doesnt quite do it justice. I want to say how wonderful the writing is, but it doesnt seem apporopriate considering the context. Im at a loss for words.

Youre a strong gal, Christi.

Tahereh said...


wow. christi. just, wow.

u are so talented.


Anonymous said...

I admire your bravery, Christi. Don't hesitate to share in whatever form you want: you can touch, maybe even save, lives with your testimony.

Very powerful.

Unspoken said...

I have missed your writing! These were both poignant! I liked the lines at the end of the first piece especially well. The dirt, the meal, the dad, the shooting of heads...

Christi Goddard said...

Shelley - I keep hearing 'incredible' from people. I'm getting all pompous and conceited now.

Aspiring x - Thanks. I need respect from somewhere, and I'm glad to know it's from you. :-)

Jm Diaz - Here I am! Thanks for the link.

Roland - Yes, I hope publication for you, too. That way, when we get married, I get half.

G - I'm glad you… is 'enjoyed' a good word to use here about a piece like this? I suck at social faux pas.

Terry - You're having some kind of flashback to the seventies. My blog has always looked like this.

Lola - Creepy rocks :-)

Talli - Thanks. I'm running out of interesting ways to say thank you. So… how 'bout them Cubs?

Tahereh - Stop looking at me like that.

E. Elle - I often feel by bravery is just lack of consideration of the repercussions :-)

Amy - I'll try to write fiction more often. I sort of missed it, too. And have you ever HAD dirt dinner? Num-mee.

Anonymous said...

I had no idea April was Sexual Assault Awareness month. And, wow, very powerful. Thank you for sharing. Truly.

Sharon K. Mayhew said...

Awesome post! This is my first visit to your blog...I am officially a FAN! It's hard to talk about sexual assaults...thanks for bringing the topic out here for all of us.

Susan Fields said...

That was very powerful writing...I am impressed!

Roland D. Yeomans said...

You always make me laugh with your replies to my comments. Still, there is nothing to laugh about concerning the survivors of abuse. Let's hold them close to whatever healing source in which we believe. Roland

Christi Goddard said...

Kimberly - Thankya kindly.

Sharon and Susan - Welcome aboard! I love making new friends.

Roland - This is true. My healing power is laughter. :-)


Fantastic story! Love all the strong images, the rhythm and intensity of the story--not a cliche in sight. My heart raced a little bit toward the end! It's like James Patterson, but with better writing. :)

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