Saturday, May 1, 2010

Last Line Blogfest

For Lilah's Last Line Blogfest http://lilahpierce.blogspot.com/2010/04/my-first-blogfest.html,
I submit the last several *coughdozencough* lines of chapter 4 of my WIP.

To set the scene a bit so you know WTF is going on, My MC Sam and Scarlett are both returned from the grave. They've already discovered their bodies reform themselves if damage is done to them. They've just met this day and are still strangers, and are also seventeen. They are being 'called' west, but they don't know where to. They are in her crappy white Pinto station wagon in Denver at the moment, after having travelled across Kansas. They are leaving Denny's at the moment, trying to decide where to head from there.

Oh, and he thinks she's a lunatic.

------------------------------------------------

I left the waitress a buck-fifty, which was over twenty-percent of our seven dollar meal. Quite generous, I thought. As we walked back to the car, I glanced at the nearby interstate and the cars speeding down it. In them were people who knew where they were going. I envied them.

A thunderous sound startled me, and I snapped around in search of its source. Scarlett, too, searched the darkness from her side of the car.

"What the hell was that?" she said.

"Fuck if I know."

We looked around a moment longer, then it resounded again so loudly I covered my ears. Other patrons of the restaurant passed us by with curious eyes, unfazed by the resonating echo in the night. It seemed they were either deaf or had not heard it because only Scarlett and I could. When it struck a third time, a flash of light accompanied it from the sky, turning night into day. My lifted eyes saw dancing circles of color against the clouds.

"A sign?" Scarlett asked across the hood of the car.

"I guess. Words spelled out would be a lot more helpful, though."

"Text message of the gods?" Her tone was amused.

"Hey, divinity shouldn't have limitations."

The lights stopped dancing. I almost apologized to the sky for my disrespect. Maybe the divine disliked being mocked as much as any human.

"Way to go. You pissed them off," Scarlett said. "Say you're sorry."

"You're not serious," I said. True, I'd the impulse to retract my statement, but I wasn't actually going to speak to floating colors above my head.

"Yes, I am. Do it, or don't get back in the car."

"Fine."

"Like you mean it, too. Not one of those fake forced apologies your mom makes you give your brother."

I didn't have a brother, or a sister for that matter. I knew that wasn't the point, though, so I looked up at the lights and said, "Sorry if I pissed you off."

"Sam!"

Scolded by the crazy chick. My afterdeath had reached an all new low point.

"I'm sorry if my remark was offensive to you in any way," I said to the luminescent colors, feeling like a world class jackass.

The lights circled again, then drifted away slowly, heading south.

"Get in!" Scarlett said, throwing open her door. "They're going to show us the way!"

That was a pretty wild assumption, I thought, but I did as I was told. For all we knew, the lights were going to lead us off a cliff. Or to a used car dealership.

Scarlett peeled out of the parking lot and sped down the street. I wasn't sure her Pinto could take that kind of abuse, but negative remarks about her car while she was excitedly speeding down the street seemed a bad idea. It was harder to keep my mouth shut when we nearly caught air going over train tracks.

"Dead or not, you need to obey the rules of the road before you send other people to the grave," I said, gripping the door handle in anxiety.

"You know what?"

A rhetorical question I loathed. I almost answered sardonically, but kept it to myself.

"Shut up," she said. "I'm not going to kill anyone. You don't count. You're already dead."

"Well, I'd prefer not to be dismembered again, thanks."

She shot me a confused glance, then her eyes returned to the road.

"Watch out for the...!"

"I see it."

The Pinto narrowly missed someone edging their Mustang out from a gas station parking lot. They honked loudly and the driver gave us the finger.

"Being with you is almost more excitement than I can handle," I said.

"Yeah, I get that a lot."

45 comments:

stu said...

I like this a lot. Very readable, and a wonderfully deadpan last line.

Mary McDonald said...

haha! Great voice in this. I loved the part about off a cliff or to a used car lot. Hee! The last line was great in the context of what was going on.

Charity Bradford said...

Lol, this is going to be a fun story, I can tell right away. I love the banter between them.

sarahjayne smythe said...

I love the tone and your MCs here. I like the dialogue and the banter. And this line?

My afterdeath had reached an all new low point.

I love that line. :)

Jaydee Morgan said...

Very good job. The voice of this piece really shows through.

Jemi Fraser said...

You've definitely got my attention - fun characters who both have an edge. Nice! :)

Piedmont Writer said...

Wonderful, fun, funny, great job!!! I like.

Shelley Sly said...

Aww I like this! The characters are really likeable. Good job!

Roland D. Yeomans said...

Nothing like a "fun" undead story. My two favorite lines :

"Hey, divinity shouldn't have limitations."

Scolded by the crazy chick. My afterdeath had reached an all new low point.

Don't you hate it when you can't even handle dying right? Love your entry, Roland

KM said...

I agree with Stu: definitely readable. And the sarcasm goes down easily. Good stuff!

Susan Fields said...

The last line is perfect. This is a great scene, I love the humor and the interaction between these two.

aspiring-x said...

not only is the humor perfect (i expect no less from you:) the story sounds so interesting. i love that the divine is interacting with the undead characters. sounds like a really unique fun story!

VR Barkowski said...

Excellent voice and compelling characters with an edge - my kind of fiction. What really works for me here is the juxtaposition of the paranormal (undead characters) and the everyday (Denny's and Fords), perfectly blended with a splash of sardonic humor - the last line is outstanding!

Lilah Pierce said...

I love characters like this. Great entry, and a great last line! I would definitely read more. Thanks for participating!

Raquel Byrnes said...

I loved his thoughts as he apologized to the lights...classic. She sounds like quite a handful. Great post.

A. Grey said...

I love the undead in most any form, but these days there are so many badly done stories involving them... yours is NOT one of them! I LOVE this! It's cheeky without being flippant, and engaging and fast paced without loosing you in the action. Well done! Let me know how to buy a copy... :)

Mia said...

I just love the tone of this piece! Again, since I am late with my commenting of all the blogfest posts most of what I wanted to say has been voiced ;~) It's funny and sarcastic and I LOVE that. The last line was indeed perfect too :~)

I totally want to read more! :~)

Christi Goddard said...

I appreciate you guys SOOOOO much. I'm sorry I'm late returning comments. I was out at the 'rents house yesterday til this afternoon.

I'm so glad you guys I liked it. I've been fretting over it a lot, wondering if the voice is off or too false sounding or over the top with his sarcasm. I'm really, really glad you guys liked it.

Roland D. Yeomans said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Roland D. Yeomans said...

I atrociously misspelled a word in my last comment, and you deserve only my best, Christi. I've just read your comment about my 'bear in the tent' icon and laughed long and deep. I really needed that laugh. Thanks for being my friend, Christi
Roland

Christi Goddard said...

I'm quite tickled I amused you so much. I love to make people laugh. The world needs more laughter.

Falen said...

Ha! Awesome. loved that last line

Tahereh said...

haha!! this is AWESOME christi!!!

seriously -- the more i read your stuff, the more i'm convinced you are crazy for worrying you will ever NOT get published.

the world is just waiting to give you the perfect agent at the perfect time, love! hang in there!!!

<33333

Arnold said...

I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I

would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have

enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.

Alena

http://dataentryjob-s.com

Nishant said...

Great voice in this.
PPC Advertising India

WINDOWS PHONE 7 DEVELOPMENT said...

Thanks for the post. It was very interesting and meaningful.
Android development| Android developer|

Coach Factory said...

ray ban, gucci outlet, ralph lauren, nike shoes, louis vuitton handbags, oakley sunglasses, louis vuitton, louboutin, nike free, air jordan, jordan shoes, louboutin, michael kors outlet, true religion jeans, air max, polo ralph lauren outlet, burberry outlet online, michael kors outlet, kate spade outlet, louboutin, coach factory outlet, longchamp outlet, longchamp, tiffany and co, chanel handbags, oakley sunglasses, coach purses, nike air max, air max, nike air max, michael kors, burberry outlet online, ray ban sunglasses, oakley sunglasses, true religion outlet, ray ban sunglasses, nike free, prada outlet, true religion, oakley sunglasses, oakley sunglasses, tory burch outlet, michael kors, louis vuitton outlet online, coach factory, polo ralph lauren, coach outlet store, toms shoes, coach outlet

Coach Factory said...

cheap sunglasses, oakley vault, cheap sunglasses, oakley sunglasses cheap, oakley outlet, oakley sunglasses outlet, cheap oakley sunglasses, canada goose, oakley sunglasses cheap, tn pas cher, canada goose, canada goose, oakley vault, cheap sunglasses, oakley outlet, ralph lauren, moncler, oakley vault, cheap sunglasses, cheap oakley sunglasses, ugg, ray ban, oakley vault, ugg boots, oakley sunglasses cheap, cheap oakley sunglasses, gucci, canada goose outlet, oakley, oakley sunglasses outlet, oakley outlet, canada goose, cheap oakley sunglasses, moncler, cheap oakley sunglasses, oakley sunglasses outlet, ugg boots, moncler outlet, canada goose outlet, oakley sunglasses cheap, oakley vault, oakley outlet, moncler, oakley sunglasses outlet, oakley sunglasses outlet, cheap sunglasses, oakley sunglasses cheap, louboutin

Coach Factory said...

yoga pants, ralph lauren, chi flat iron, louis vuitton, lancel, reebok outlet, michael kors, new balance shoes, insanity, birkin bag, air max, montre pas cher, beats by dre, celine handbags, mulberry, nike free, mont blanc, north face outlet, nfl jerseys, hogan, lululemon, supra shoes, jimmy choo, asics, oakley pas cher, juicy couture outlet, hollister, timberland, soccer shoes, ghd, marc jacobs, louis vuitton, rolex watches, hermes, wedding dresses, converse shoes, ugg boots, burberry, nike air max, mcm handbags, ferragamo shoes, bottega, vans, karen millen, valentino, soccer jerseys, herve leger, p90x, abercrombie and fitch, ray ban pas cher

Guo Guo said...

guowenhao20150323
discount oakley sunglasses
cheap snapbacks
burberry handbags
coach factory outlet
kate spade outlet
polo ralph lauren outlet
louis vuitton outlet
longchamp outlet
lululemon outlet online
chanel bags
oakley outlet
toms shoes
jordan shoes
thomas sabo bracelet
tod's sale
salvatore ferragamo
louis vuitton outlet
coach outlet store
tod's shoes
nhl jerseys
mont blanc pens
kobe 9 shoes
beats by dre
oakley sunglasses wholesale
babyliss hair dryer
michael kors outlet store
air max 95
ralph lauren polo shirts
michael kors outlet
cheap ray ban sunglasses
instyler ionic styler
asics gel kayano
karen millen sale
louis vuitton outlet uk
discount oakley sunglasses
cheap nhl jerseys
kate spade handbags
ghd hair straighteners
karen millen dresses
louis vuitton outlet online

Ueen Q said...

20150617meiqing
ralph lauren outlet
coach handags
louis vuitton outlet
michael kors outlet online sale
louboutin
louis vuitton handbags
ray ban sunglasses
michael kors outlet
burberry sale
coach outlet
polo ralph lauren
michael kors outlet
jordan 13s
hollister clothing
cheap jordans
ray bans
tods outlet
louis vuitton
coach outlet online
juicy couture
jordan shoes
nhl jerseys
jordan 3 retro
coach factory outlet online
yoga pants
louis vuitton handbags
gucci
kate spade
cheap oakley sunglasses
michael kors outlet
michael kors bag
coach outlet
p90x workouts
michael kors
burberry outlet
michael kors uk
michael kors
oakley sunglasses
toms shoes
hollister

Ueen Q said...

20150617meiqing
michael kors outlet
mont blanc
true religion jeans
louis vuitton outlet
michael kors
michael kors handbags
celine outlet
burberry outlet online
oakley sunglasses
abercrombie kids
louis vuitton outlet
oakley sunglasses
cheap jordans
christian louboutin
jordan 11 concord
gucci outlet
michael kors outlet
ray ban uk
michael kors outlet online
christian louboutin shoes
cheap air max
ray ban sungalss
air jordans
jordan 11 columbia
coach outlet
michael kors purse
toms outlet
abercrombie & fitch
ray ban sunglasses outlet
fake oakleys

Weiming Zhu said...

tory burch outlet online
michael kors uk
cheap wedding dresses
air max 2014
the north face outlet
hermes birkin
the north face jackets
prada shoes
air max 90
coach outlet canada
swarovski uk
koby bryant shoes
san francisco 49ers jerseys
nike outlet store
nike roshe
chicago bulls jersey
ysl outlet
cheap soccer jerseys
coach outlet
nike running shoes
evening dresses
golden state warriors jerseys
indianapolis colts jerseys
chicago blackhawks jersey
north face outlet
soccer shoes
new york giants jerseys
christian louboutin uk
cleveland cavaliers jersey
kate spade outlet
manchester united jersey
michael kors uk
oklahoma city thunder jerseys
new york jets jerseys
tory burch outlet
zhuweiming0618

Hua Cai said...

lacoste outlet
oakley sunglasses wholesale, http://www.oakleysunglasseswholesale.in.net
hermes outlet
puma sneakers
cartier watches
asics shoes
nike air max uk
oakley sunglasses
ugg boots, http://www.uggbootsclearance.in.net
louis vuitton handbags
valentino outlet
cartier bracelet
michael kors outlet online, http://www.michaelkors-outlets.us.com
cheap mlb jerseys
vibram fivefingers
hollister clothing
tiffany and co
ugg outlet, http://www.uggsoutlet.us.org
lululemon
timberland shoes
ed hardy clothing
cheap jordans, http://www.jordan-shoes.us.com
hollister pas cher
juicy couture outlet
air jordan 4
calvin klein outlet
michael kors outlet online
tory burch outlet
iphone 6 plus cases
replica watches
fred perry polo shirts
oakley sunglasses outlet
adidas shoes
christian louboutin sale
prada shoes
2015819caihuali

Xianjun Ranqin said...

qihang0907,louis vuitton outlet
coach outlet
louis vuitton handbags
louis vuitton outlet stores
cheap nfl jerseys
michael kors handbag
louis vuitton
adidas superstar 2
uggs australia
louis vuitton outlet
louis vuitton purses
oakley sunglasses
adidas
oakley sunglasses
ray ban sunglasses
gucci shoes
michael kors
oakley sunglasses
michael kors outlet online sale
running shoes
oakley vault
louis vuitton
timberland outlet
jordan 3 white cenment
cheap lebron james shoes
michael kors purse
longchamp sale
mont blanc pen
uggs for cheap
michael kors outlet
louis vuitton outlet
air max
gucci bags
giuseppe zanotti shoes
michael kors handbags
ncaa jerseys
coach outlet
instyler curling iron
nike roshe run
q

mmjiaxin said...

nike sneakers, http://www.nikerunningshoes.cc/
dolphins jerseys, http://www.miamidolphinsjersey.com/
nike air max 90, http://www.airmax90.us.com/
michael kors handbags, http://www.cheapmichaelkorshandbag.in.net/
nike air huarache, http://www.nike-airhuarache.co.uk/
rolex watches, http://www.rolexwatches-uk.co.uk/
los angeles lakers, http://www.lakersjerseys.us/
vans sneakers, http://www.vans-shoes.cc/
michael kors wallet sale, http://www.michaelkorswallet.net/
the north face outlet, http://www.thenorthfaces.in.net/
ralph lauren outlet, http://www.ralphlauren-outletonline.co.uk/
gucci,borse gucci,gucci sito ufficiale,gucci outlet
adidas wings shoes, http://www.adidaswings.net/
roshe run men, http://www.rosherunshoessale.com/
hollister shirts, http://www.hollistershirts.co.uk/
real madrid jersey, http://www.realmadridjerseystore.com/
babyliss, http://www.babyliss.us.com/
christian louboutin shoes, http://www.christianlouboutinoutlet.org.uk/
nike running shoes, http://www.nikerunningshoes.cc/
michael kors outlet, http://www.michaelkorshandbags.in.net/

Jianbin Jianbin said...

michael kors uk outlet
michael kors uk
winter jackets outlet
nike air max 2014
north face outlet online
ugg outlet
pandora charms
moncler coats
adidas jeremy scott
nike outlet
ugg boots clearance
new york giants
moncler outlet
louis vuitton outlet online
designer handbags
swarovski outlet
tiffany jewelry
michael kors outlet store
michael kors factory sale
chicago bulls
cheap toms
canada goose sale
ray ban sale

Chenzhen 20160303chenzhen said...

hollister clearance
tory burch shoes
lebron 12
coach outlet store
oakley sunglasses
coach factory outlet
nfl jerseys
ralph lauren
louis vuitton bags
adidas superstar
louis vuitton
rolex watches
coach factory outlet
cheap basketball shoes
montblanc pens
ugg for cheap
mcm handbags
ugg boots outlet
air jordan femme
air force 1 trainers
louis vuitton outlet online
louis vuitton purses
louis vuitton
cheap toms shoes
pandora charms
louis vuitton purses
louis vuitton purses
ray bans
ralph lauren outlet
michael kors outlet online sale
oakley sunglasses
hollister shirts
nike free 5.0
p90x
beats by dre outlet
louis vuitton handbags
longchamp outlet
canada goose outlet
nfl jerseys
ugg boots
20160317chenzhen

Chenzhen 20160303chenzhen said...

hollister clothing
nike store
coach factory outlet
oakley sunglasses
air jordans
ray ban
nike blazers shoes
coach outlet
toms wedges
louis vuitton handbags
ray ban outlet
coach outlet
uggs outlet
jordan retro 11
michael kors outlet
burberry handbags
michael kors outlet
abercrombie and fitch
replica rolex watches
ray bans
michael kors bags
louboutin femme
michael kors bags
lebron james basketball shoes
cheap nfl jerseys
air jordan homme
michael kors outlet
louis vuitton
cheap ray ban sunglasses
gucci bags
cheap uggs
louis vuitton
louis vuitton outlet
ugg slippers
polo ralph lauren outlet
ugg outlet
jordan shoes
coach outlet
adidas superstar shoes
michael kors outlet
20160317chenzhen

mmjiaxin said...

michael kors outlet online
http://www.cheaprealjordans.us.com
michael kors handbags
nike zoom kobe
jordans for cheap
oakley sunglasses
michael kors handbags outlet
michael kors outlet
http://www.raybanglasses.in.net
fitflops clearance
michael kors outlet online
tiffany online
http://www.cheap--jordans.us.com
michael kors outlet
kobe shoes,kobe zoom,kobe byrant shoes
ralph lauren online,cheap ralph lauren
chrome hearts online
http://www.huaracheshoes.uk
toms outlet
cheap ralph lauren
gg

Yuanyuan Lin said...

6.11lllllyuannike huarache
tiffany jewellery
prada handbags
fitflops sale
ray ban sunglasses
fitflops shoes
coach outlet
rolex uk
oakley sunglasses
true religion jeans
louis vuitton handbags
ferragamo shoes
rolex watches for sale
michael kors outlet
tiffany jewellery
oakley sunglasses
nike air huarache
cheap mlb jerseys
ray ban sunglasses
longchamp pliage
cheap nba jerseys
louis vuitton handbags outlet
pandora jewelry
true religion outlet
michael kors outlet online
true religion jeans
louis vuitton handbags
cheap ray ban sunglasses
christian louboutin uk
mulberry outlet
ralph lauren uk
michael kors uk outlet
fitflops uk
longchamp pliage
police sunglasses
6.11

Zheng junxai5 said...

zhengjx20160706
juicy couture
louis vuitton
true religion outlet
coach outlet
nike roshe run mens
air jordan shoes
adidas nmd
toms wedges
oakley outlet
hollister clothing
replica watches
christian louboutin sale
burberry outlet
michael kors outlet
jordan concords
ray bans
adidas outlet store
replica rolex watches
adidas originals store
christian louboutin sale
louis vuitton outlet
louboutin shoes
nfl jerseys
michael kors outlet
kobe shoes 11
coach outlet
nike uk
celine bags
gucci belts
vans sneakers
kate spade handbags
gucci bags
coach outlet store online
coach outlet
louis vuitton handbags
hollister jeans
polo ralph lauren
coach outlet
michael kors
ray ban sunglasses

Fangyaya said...

kate spade outlet
clippers jerseys
uggs outlet
michael kors outlet clearance
ugg boots
adidas superstar sneakers
louis vuitton handbags
ugg outlet
gucci handbags
christian louboutin outlet
cheap oakley sunglasses
coach outlet store online clearances
longchamp bags
coach outlet
bulls jerseys
the north face
michael kors handbags
fitflops shoes
uggs on sale
christian louboutin uk
coach outlet online
louis vuitton outlet
canada goose sale
michael kors outlet clearance
ray ban sunglasses
michael kors handbags
nike outlet store
louboutin shoes
fitflop shoes
chenyingying2016913

xumeiqing said...

20170221meiqing
ralph lauren sale clearance
coach factory outlet
canada goose outlet
cheap ugg boots
canada goose jackets
gucci handbags
longchamp bags
fitflops
louis vuitton outlet
ralph lauren outlet

chenmeinv0 said...

true religion jeans
cheap jordan shoes
converse outlet store
adidas yeezy
pandora rings
nike air max 90
oakley vault
michael kors bags
michael kors handbags
ferragamo handbags
chenyingying20170304