Thursday, August 4, 2011

9 Things That Make My Life Difficult

1. Ignoring my deeper peeves in life that revolve around the English language and how it’s used and abused, one of the greatest peeves in my life is clothing sizes. More specifically, the delusional folks who determine them. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t America in a sort of ‘omg we’re so fat’ stage right now? So why, for the love of that is holy and dipped in chocolate, are clothing sizes so disproportionately accounting for those of us of above standard-American-lingerie -model size in girth?

I found one website that says, “Please review our size chart as our shirts run small. Material also shrinks once washed.” Okay, WTF? And the largest size they carry? XL. That means their idea of XL to me is like a junior miss small. It’s not like I want to wear sleeveless, midriff shirts and frighten and/or revolt unsuspecting innocent bystanders with my stretch mark contour map of the Ukraine. These are t-shirts, for crying out loud. Another peevish place is Hot Topic. My girls shop there. I can only stand and look around with a dirty look on my face. Their idea of an XL is like a toddler sized medium.

Sometimes I wonder if the madness is to do with the countries and child labor sweat shops half our clothes come from, but that’s a sensitive subject matter I’ll refrain from blogging about with any specificity.

*rant done*

2. Things that are so very bad for me and my priceless time: Websites. I can spend hours scrolling through A Softer World’s strip comics, especially when it takes ages to load the image. I am sure I will never finish Mcsweeney.net as there is too much infinitely amusing content. Don’t even get me started on Cracked.com. I spent every spare second for two months there and have grounded myself from it ever since I managed to pull my head up for air.

3. My uncomfortable desk chair that thinks my legs don’t need blood.

4. My cat. He is the boss of me, and I can’t even quit.

5. A few of my kids’ friends’ parents who make ME look responsible. Yeah, they’re that bad. Too many have dubbed me Mommy#2.

6. Unobliging lottery balls. Nuff said.

7. My body’s insistence that I need at least five hours of sleep a day. This seriously cuts into my website reading. I mean… my writing.

8. Texas heat. Seriously, why is under 100 degrees an impossibility? We’re in the middle of the worst drought in history (which made lakes dry up and pieces of the Challenger shuttle were found) and now this slice of heaven just hit the news, “The Texas power grid operator has scrambled this week to meet soaring electricity demand in the face of a brutal heatwave, and residents of the second most populous U.S. state are one power plant shutdown away from rolling blackouts.” No one wants to see me hot. Seriously, I’m an angry lady when I’m hot.

9. Internet ‘improvement updates’ that make all my functions stop working like they used to. I’ve had to basically write off Skype and Youtube, and gmail started to destroy my formatting when sending an email. Hence, I sent a particularly awful looking query out without realizing it. Copy/paste into the box is a disastrous thing to do these days, apparently. Funny how it’s always been just fine for YEARS. If anyone knows why this is, please tell me. I’m afraid to query now.

4 comments:

aspiring_x said...

ugh! i hear you about the clothing sizes! health issues made me put on about twenty pounds recently and now everything anywhere near decent is too small! seriously! why do they think that larger folk want to wear bold prints and bright colors?!!?!? ugh. :(

i didin't know that about the power outage possibilities. that's really dangerous. especially for the very young and the elderly. yikes! up here in kansas, we've been having a heat wave of over 100 degrees days for sooooo long now. but yesterday it broke! and today it's even raining! i hope some of it sweeps down to you guys sometime soon!

Elizabeth Poole said...

The size discrepancy thing doesn't help anyone. I am short and petite, yet I dare to have hips and breasts. Almost nothing fits me the way it's supposed to. Sometimes a small is just that--small. Sometimes it's teeny tiny and it looks like I am trying to stuff the girls into a 12 year old's shirt.

Sorry about the heat wave. Here in Georgia, it's ridiculously hot and humid, and our AC really can't keep up with it. But at least we're not threatened with power outages. :( *crosses fingers*

As for the gmail thing, email yourself. That way you can make sure the formatting is coming through.

Lisa Gail Green said...

LOL feel better now? I especially love no. 6. That made me snort.

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